Sprinklers in the Rain Blog

Game of Thrones S05E06: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken

Game of Thrones - Season 5

Another week, another Game of Thrones! Season 5, Episode 6: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken. Well, fuck that title right back! Am I right?

After making me laugh, roll my eyes, and cheer, this episode ultimately hit me hard in the gut. I just have to talk about it.

!! This post contains SPOILERS for both the BOOKS and the TV SHOW !!

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Review: John Dies at the End, by David Wong

John Dies at the End, by David Wong

Official Synopsis

STOP. You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands. NO, don’t put it down. It’s too late. They’re watching you. My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you’ll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it’s too late. You touched the book. You’re in the game. You’re under the eye. The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why? You just have to trust me.

The important thing is this: The drug is called Soy Sauce and it gives users a window into another dimension. John and I never had the chance to say no. You still do. I’m sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind:None of this was my fault.

Review

What a wonderfully Animorphs-esque synopsis, am I right?

David Wong (the author, not the character), is the head editor for Cracked.com and the man I hold responsible for creating the clickbait menace. His roots are obvious here – it basically reads like a fan fiction of Cracked’s most prolific writers. Whether or not you like Cracked.com will decide entirely what you’ll think of this book. Personally, I’m a fan, and this book was hilarious.

It immediately draws you in with a riddle, promptly followed by doorknobs turning into dicks, and an entire monster made from frozen meat products. The story, told in three acts, bounces from one zany idea to the next, making such little sense that you almost feel like you’re on “the sauce” yourself. If there’s one thing I can’t say about David Wong, it’s that he lacks for imagination.

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Where [Not] To Park A Car

After a long day of work, the last thing I want to do is… well. Pretty much anything.

Me After Work

But from time to time, doing things is unavoidable. Bank. Grocery store. Dishes. Laundry. I congratulate myself on the rare occasion that I make it happen after work – even small things.

That’s what I did this afternoon, despite my bed and a nap beckoning me home. I drove that extra mile, got myself out of the car, and managed to turn myself on for another fifteen minutes to do something. When I left, I felt so accomplished that I nearly went out for something to eat.

Then I remembered my bed, and a nap. And threw that idea out the window.

My car sputtered when I started it, but eventually idled as normal. This is not unusual behavior. My car has been doing this for a year now, and I’ve chosen to ignore it. When it’s time to have that looked at, the car will let me know. Right?

Well. Today was that day.

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Review: Heart-Shaped Box, by Joe Hill

Heart-Shaped Box, by Joe Hill

Official Synopsis

Judas Coyne is a collector of the macabre: a cookbook for cannibals…a used hangman’s noose…a snuff film. An aging death-metal rock god, his taste for the unnatural is as widely known to his legions of fans as the notorious excesses of his youth. But nothing he possesses is as unlikely or as dreadful as his latest discovery, an item for sale on the Internet, a thing so terribly strange, Jude can’t help but reach for his wallet.

I will “sell” my stepfather’s ghost to the highest bidder…

For a thousand dollars, Jude will become the proud owner of a dead man’s suit, said to be haunted by a restless spirit. He isn’t afraid. He has spent a lifetime coping with ghosts–of an abusive father, of the lovers he callously abandoned, of the band-mates he betrayed. What’s one more?

But what UPS delivers to his door in a black heart-shaped box is no imaginary or metaphorical ghost, no benign conversation piece. It’s the real thing.

And suddenly the suit’s previous owner is everywhere: behind the bedroom door…seated in Jude’s restored vintage Mustang…standing outside his window…staring out from his widescreen TV. Waiting–with a gleaming razor blade on a chain dangling from one bony hand…

Review

My Kindle library has grown out of control. I sweep up Daily Deals and free offers faster than I can read anything. At this point, I hardly recognize anything on my Kindle. But I always have something to read, and sometimes it’s fun to go into a book completely blind.

So it was that Heart-Shaped Box completely caught me by surprise. I knew that it’s written by Stephen King’s son, and I had a vague awareness that the plot revolved around buying a ghost from eBay. Having seen the trailers for the whimsical (if dark) Horns, based on another book by Joe Hill, I suppose I was expecting something similar. I don’t know. Man buys ghost on-line and they become unexpected friends, having many ghoulish adventures? Fun, dark, whimsy.

My partner was away for the week when I started reading this, so I had our place to myself. We were in the middle of a two-day rain, and the neighbors had just moved out so I felt particularly alone. These were, perhaps, the worst fucking circumstances to start reading this book.

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LiveJournal, ICQ, Forums & Fan Sites: What Happened to Our Internet?

The other night, a friend and I took a brave trip down memory lane into our first years with LiveJournal. What we found was, unsurprisingly, horrifying. Eleven years ago, we were completely different people. We over-shared, we over-emoted, and felt no fear in doing so.

But so did everyone else. The internet was a very different place, back then.

LiveJournal in 2001

Our generation had the unique position of growing up with the internet. As we first began to find our voices, define ourselves and finally venture out into the world, so too was the internet still finding its legs. Not many people even knew what to do with the internet, beyond knowing that they should have an e-mail address (so you can forward chain mail). We ran no risk of running into our parents on social networking sites. There was no worry of your employers seeing the post about your bad day at work. It was rare to even find your friends on-line. The internet was a refuge from all these things.

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