Sprinklers in the Rain Blog

Move Over, Sparkling Vampires. 2015 is the Year of Dinosaurs!

Some kids grew up with Star Wars, some with Pokémon. Others with Harry Potter. While I love all of these things, I grew up in the time of dinosaurs. Dinosaurs dominated. They were everywhere: The Land Before Time, We’re Back!, Disney’s Dinosaurs, Dinosaurs Before Dark, Turok, Dino Crisis and of course… Jurassic Park.

It was the first adult novel I read. In the way that kids would later recite the Pokédex, I prided myself in my knowledge of all the different dinosaurs and the eras they lived in. My room held a respectable collection of dinosaur figurines, and velociraptor decals loomed menacingly from my walls. The first major piece I performed in an orchestra was the Jurassic Park theme.

Dinosaurs were kind of a big deal.

Then, at some point, a Jurassic Park movie sucked. We found out that dinosaurs had feathers, and nobody knew what to think about that. I think someone suggested the idea of a T-Rex with a peacock fan, and literally everyone lost interest.

Except for some dude who, for whatever reason, began fantasizing about Gay Billionaire Dinosaurs In My Butt. I don’t even know.

Gay Billionaire Dinosaurs

Dinosaurs faded from memory, banished to the underworld of Weird Fucking Erotica. Until now, apparently?

With the release of Jurassic World fast approaching (are you hype? I’m hype!), dinosaurs are popping up everywhere. It’s not just Jurassic World – there’s been an insurgence of dinosaur game releases coming up and now, even Pixar’s announced a dinosaur film. If that doesn’t bring dinosaurs back, I don’t know what will!

You know what this means. It’s time to put your zombies and sparkling vampires back on the shelf. Dinosaurs are back in fashion!

People of my generation! Ready to get your dinosaur on? Here’s a sample of what’s coming up.

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Game of Thrones S05E08: Hardhome

Game of Thrones - Season 5

 

The hype train arrived and delivered. Has there ever been a greater hour of television? Winter has come, and so have I.

!! This post contains SPOILERS for both the books and TV Show !!
Do not proceed if you aren’t caught up with both

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The Xenoblade X Soundtrack is Here and it’s Glorious

Xenoblade OST Cover

While we still have a bit to wait for Xenoblade X to make it stateside, here’s a few hours worth of music to mull you over. Spanning four discs and 55 tracks, this soundtrack is no joke.

It’s composed by Hiroyuki Sawano, who you may recognize from the wildly popular Attack on Titan series. Every track is full of chest thumping hype hype hype! with a few surprises thrown in – I swear they’ve got Mike Shinoda rapping in the battle them. Is it just me?

There is an unusual amount of vocals happening here, but I think they’ll fit right in with the open-world approach they’re taking to the game. I’m down with jamming out to some Japanese Linkin Park while I fly around in a robot. Why not?

Here’s a few of my favorite tracks so far. As you should with pretty much the whole soundtrack, listen to it loud with plenty of bass. Get ready to feel like a bad ass!

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Game of Thrones S05E06: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken

Game of Thrones - Season 5

Another week, another Game of Thrones! Season 5, Episode 6: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken. Well, fuck that title right back! Am I right?

After making me laugh, roll my eyes, and cheer, this episode ultimately hit me hard in the gut. I just have to talk about it.

!! This post contains SPOILERS for both the BOOKS and the TV SHOW !!

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Review: John Dies at the End, by David Wong

John Dies at the End, by David Wong

Official Synopsis

STOP. You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands. NO, don’t put it down. It’s too late. They’re watching you. My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you’ll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it’s too late. You touched the book. You’re in the game. You’re under the eye. The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why? You just have to trust me.

The important thing is this: The drug is called Soy Sauce and it gives users a window into another dimension. John and I never had the chance to say no. You still do. I’m sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind:None of this was my fault.

Review

What a wonderfully Animorphs-esque synopsis, am I right?

David Wong (the author, not the character), is the head editor for Cracked.com and the man I hold responsible for creating the clickbait menace. His roots are obvious here – it basically reads like a fan fiction of Cracked’s most prolific writers. Whether or not you like Cracked.com will decide entirely what you’ll think of this book. Personally, I’m a fan, and this book was hilarious.

It immediately draws you in with a riddle, promptly followed by doorknobs turning into dicks, and an entire monster made from frozen meat products. The story, told in three acts, bounces from one zany idea to the next, making such little sense that you almost feel like you’re on “the sauce” yourself. If there’s one thing I can’t say about David Wong, it’s that he lacks for imagination.

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